The Strength of Soft
by sleeclark
Summary: An old bond trader on Wall Street has to learn to change his ways lest he lose everything. His journey into Aikido and the lessons he learns helps him transform his life.


**Chapter 1**

"This sucks! You are not making any money and neither are any of your traders. What the fuck Paul, you should have seen that the market was going to turn against you."

Paul knew his boss was right. He had gotten long at the top of the market and the latest pull back had wiped out hid desks profits for the year. Now he was sitting with Art Clinton who was chewing him out for his incompetence..

Art Clinton was a brilliant trader who knew how to make money in all types of markets and he looked at Paul with disgust for being so careless with his trading. Art had made a ton of money during the internet boom and then went short when the market turned. He had done this numerous times in his career, it was not luck. He was good at what he did. Art could care less about being right, he cared about making money. And when you take risk for a bank you always have to be making money.

"Paul you know the deal, our fucking numbers are looked at every day and today I will be getting my ass ripped by management for this fuck up." Un-fuck this mess, turn it around and start making money."

Paul had periods in his career where he had lost money but he always had been able to turn it around. This time he was not so sure. He was now fifty and not as mentally flexible as he once. He had given everything to the bank and now he was an old flow trader surrounded by much younger traders who all looked to him for guidance.

He was not sure he had much to give them any more. He had gone to the best schools and was at the top of his class but this new generation of people could care less about his old degrees. They all had been raised on the internet and new technologies and were much more adaptable to change than he was.

Art looked at Paul closely and said "Paul you have had a great run at the bank, but the times have changed and management has changed, you need to show them you are still relevant and know how to make money in the markets. These guys don't care what you did ten years ago. They care what you can do now. So you need to fix this and quick."

With that the meeting was over and Paul felt like he had been punched in the gut.

 **Chapter 2**

Paul was a fighter though. He had been a champion wrestler in high school and had wrestled in college with great success. But he had gotten injured his junior year which had put an abrupt end to his career. With his passion gone, he focused his attention to his studies and to his social life. What started as a fun for Paul drinking and going out all the time with his friends later became a hinderance to his life. He liked to drink and drink a lot. In his youth he could recover. When he started off on Wall Street his ability to work all day and drink all day had actually helped him. There was always a lot of intelligence that could be gathered late at night at the bars. Clients, brokers and salesman always spoke a bit too freely once imbued with liquor. Paul would use that information to trade and make money with this information.

But over the years the late nights and drunken binges had clouded his once sharp mind. He could no longer remember the conversations at the bar. Years of consuming alcohol had taken its toll. He now had a pot belly from all of those beers and his once youthful skin had become loose and grey.

Although he was in the hole trying to dig his way out, he was not so sure he could do it this time around. He felt maybe the years had caught up to him. Some of his peers had tapered off their drinking and partying as they got older. Dedicating more time to their family and kids. But Paul never could. He still liked to go out. But as he got older, the crowd he would end up going with got younger and younger. Paul now 50, was going out at night with people half his age. The younger traders on the desk deferred to Paul because of his seniority, but they began to lose their respect for him every time they some blitzed.

Paul also liked women. Even though he had a beautiful wife and three adoring kids at home, Paul could not help himself. He liked the chase, the conquest. He especially liked all of the young trading assistants that Merrill Lynch was always circulating in. He wan't even discreet about the matter. He slept with many of these women and for some reason there was never any blowback from the firm. The girls never complained. They looked like the attention and the money could provide, and Paul always picked up the tab. Paul was dynamic and aggressive trader on Wall Street which was much better than the guys they could ever meet in Staten Island, so they played along.

When he was in his mid 30's and a star in the making, Paul had seduced a young starlet on the desk. Blonde, smart and beautiful, she fell for Paul's charms and soon they were seen going out everywhere. She wasn't a girl who worked in the back office but as a junior sales person. She soon caught the eye of another trader and he started to compete for Mary's attention. Mary wasn't looking for a fling but a husband and once she realized that Paul would not be leaving his wife, she married the other trader. But the damage had been done to Paul. Senior management took note that Paul could be very reckless. Paul had dated a girl ten years his junior and caused friction within the desks as he continued to try to woo a girl who was engaged to another man.

Now in his 50's he had become infatuated with another girl on the desk. She was another junior salesperson. Bright, attractive and quick-witted, Jenny was the type of girl he lusted over. Paul would test his luck one more time on his new target.

 **Chapter 3**

After Art's ass chewing, Paul started to lighten some of his positions, selling off some of worst of his positions. But this was going to take time. Instead of going downstairs for a drink, Paul went home early to see if he could clear his mind. When he got home he was spent. He saw April his wife in front of the T.V doing a workout video. April paused the tape, hugged and kissed Paul. For all of his faults April loved Paul and was always thanks for what Paul provided. She want back to her workout and continued her yoga workout. Paul was amazed at her flexibility.

Wendy had always ket herself fit and she worked hard to maintain her youthful good lucks. While Paul had aged it seemed Wendy to get more beautiful with the years. He went to reach for a beer in the fridge until his wife encouraged him to come over and join the workout. "c'mon Paul see if you can a few of these stretches, there is only five minutes left on the tape and these are just the exercises to cool down." With that Paul turned away from the fridge and sat down next to Wendy, moving his body to attempt the stretch.

His body creaked and barely budged. He couldn't reach his legs because his belly was in the way. Wendy let out a giggle and all Paul could do was laugh as well. His muscles were so hard and unmovable, that he felt like he was trapped inside a mummy's body. 'Joking aside, you need to start stretching, you know what they say flexible body, flexible mind", Wendy chimed in. Wendy was right, Paul tried the other stretches and he could barely get his body to budge. All he could think of was "How the hell did I let my body deteriorate so badly."

 **Chapter 4**

Paul woke up the next day exhausted. Even though the trading day started at 7am, Paul never showed up on the desk till much later. But he knew he was under the gun so he got up extra early today to make the morning call. But he was not sharp. Something did not feel right. Maybe it was the stress from yesterdays meeting with Art or maybe it was the exercise with Wendy. Either way he knew the day was going to be shit. As he walked down the stairs he knew he would have to hurry to catch the train. It was a few blocks away but he was intent on making it to work on time. So he started walking briskly but he felt a pain in his chest. He continued to push but the pain got worse. Before he knew it he was getting dizzy and then lights out.

 **Chapter 5**

Paul woke up in the hospital in a bed. There was an I.V in his arm and he was groggy. Standing next to him was a nurse who was standing over him. 'Paul, you passed out on the street. You had a minor heart attack but you are going to be O.K. We are going to put you in a room and monitor you for the next few days. Your family has been notified and they are on their way." With that he drifted back to sleep again.

 **Chapter 6**

Paul woke up the next day and saw Wendy sitting on a chair. "Paul thank God you are up, as we were all worried about you." All Paul could say was "Does the office know I am here." "Geez Paul yes." Wendy was clearly annoyed by that comment. "Paul you had passed at on the street, ended up in the hospital and you are asking about work, you need to focus on yourself, not work." Paul knew that Wendy was right but that's how he had trained himself for years to always be thinking about work. For your knowledge, your colleagues at work did call to ask about you and I talked to Art and he said to tell you to take as much time as you need." With that comment Paul, felt some relief. Art was a no nonsense guy but he was genuine and if he told Wendy for him to take some time off, he knew he could relax for a few days.

 **Chapter 7**

Paul spent the newt few days in the hospital but upon his discharge he went to see a Doctor that his friend, Tony, had suggested to him. Paul had called Paul urging him to see hid Doctor. Tony had run a successful hedge fund but like Paul had almost died from stress and he swore by the treatment Dr. Null had recommended for him. Paul hadn't been to the doctors in years and did not know what to expect. But he knew he was a wreck. He was thirty pounds overweight, he had tow bad knees and a beer gut he could not get rid of. He had tried working out but he never really stuck to the routines. He had been discharged by the hospital with a stern warning by the Doctors after they had seen his blood work. His knew he was a mess.

Paul entered the office and was greeted warmly by the secretary. "Fill out the forms and will get you in as soon as possible." Sure enough Paul was seen right away by Dr. Null. Dr Null was in his early 60's and although he was ten years older than Paul, he looked much better than Paul. He was fit, youthful looking and radiated energy. Compared to Paul he looked like a greek God.

After the pleasantries and the tests were run, Dr Null spoke. "Paul I am not a traditional Doctor as most expect. I could prescribe you drugs and yes they would help you. They would help you lower your cholesterol and your heart, but they would be band-aids. They would prolong your life but not enhance it. They have side effects that over the long haul would hurt your health just as much as the abuse you are inflecting on it. I am a firm believer that diet, rest and exercise could cure most ailments and I clearly believe that is what you need. The biggest cause of your health problems are stress."

"Humans internal systems are wired as either fight or flight. So thousands of years ago, when we saw a tiger, our nervous system was given a boost to help us get out of the situation. These mechanisms are still in our system. But in those days once we got out of range from the tiger, our nervous system could relax. But your job does not afford you any rest. You are forever stressing out so your nervous system is always under assault. This stress is causing hyper tension, high blood pressure which caused you to have a minor heart attack. If you continue your ways, you will kill yourself. In addition, you are medicating yourself with booze which over the long haul will kill you."

"I am only going to ask you to do a few things: sleep, eat better, limit the booze and exercise. Now for exercise I would suggest something that moves your body but not with weights. Since you told me you were a wrestler you could do Aikido or Tai Chi. You could do something like Pilates or Dance. These types of exercises are great because they actually can rewire your brain. You will suck at all of them at first. But your body needs to move. The rigidity in the muscles and in your body is that of an old man. You need to free the body and get it to be more supple. The rigidity of your body influences the way you work act and feel. Paul you are old because your body is old. You need to retrain it to get younger."

Paul felt this was the best advice he had been given in years. Although he liked booze, he hated drugs and he knew he had to get his body moving again. He felt that if he could get his body moving again, he could get back some of that mental edge he once had. he had seen Aikido before and liked the idea of doing that, so he made up his mind to check out a dojo.

 **Chapter 8**

Art had given Paul three weeks off to get himself healed up. Paul felt relieved about not going to go to work. Although he would be responsible for the losses on the trading books, he felt if he could get his mind straight he knew he might be able to make some money trading bonds again.

Paul started checking out Dojo's in the city and found one in Chelsea. He took the subway downtown and found the place. The dojo was on the second floor and he took a seat and started to watch the class. The class was somewhat hypnotic to watch as the instructor was going through a variety of ways to roll and fall. The students then would try to replicate what the instructor had shown. The instructor moved with such grace and ease that Paul was awed by what he could do with his body. He could roll and fall in ways that Paul had not seen before. In addition he was impressed with the level of ability that the other students possessed. He was hooked.

He signed the necessary paperwork, bought his uniform and decided to give it a try. He was given the class schedule and went home. Wendy was at home eating dinner when he got home and he sat with her and Dave , his son when he got home.

Dave was a senior in high school at Trinity, one of the most elite high schools in the country and he was a standout baseball player. He was going to Cornell next year to play baseball for them. All of his kids at ended up going to an ivy league school and for this Paul was immensely proud.

Paul had put three kids through private league schools in NYC which set him back over $150,000 per year. He was thankful that he had been able to pay that but his pay had been declining over the last few years and the only ones that could foot these types of bills were the hedge fund managers. At one point bank traders has garnered most of the pay and headlines on the street but those days were long over.

Dodd-Frank, the Basil Accords and other arcane laws had cut the wings off the banks trading desks and traders were nothing more know than glorified bond brokers. Automation had also cut the spreads off and taken away much of the activity that use to fall into the hands of traders so Paul was happy that his last kid would finally be in college. Going forward he doubted that he could pay those once hefty bills.

They finished dinner and Paul relaxed. He was happy that he would not have to go back to work and once looking forward to his first Aikido class tomorrow.

 **Chapter 9**

Paul showed up at the dojo at 6:30 am for his first class. All of the other students were already warming up by the time he got there. He put on his new gi which was completely white and new. You could tell just by looking at him that he was a novice


End file.
